two roads

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by, 

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost-

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Today, I'm confronted with two big decisions. You see, something happened recently which totally messed up my life. God decided to turn the tables and clean up my filthy heart, and oh man, is it dirty and cluttered in here. I'm not sure how it happened, but something someone said some time ago really hit hard. Because this someone revealed to me my pride, my evil, my filth, and my ungratefulness.

Oh boy, it was hard accepting whatever she said. I mulled over the words, but the more I thought about it, the more infuriated I became. Who was she to judge me? Who was she to tell me how I'm horrible or not good enough? And then the dust and the dirt slowly built up in my heart, blocking away any good or any light that I had.

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It collected-the dust did-over a couple of days, or a few weeks, or maybe even months. It was so quiet though, because cleaning up makes noise, but when dirt collects, it comes in subtly and silently. And then today, it was as if God said "That's enough." And when God says that, you're not talking about a one hour devotion or a five minutes prayer to clean up the dirt, you're talking about weeks, months of spring cleaning. 

So today. Two doors, two roads, two decisions face me. One of the roads looks trodden and popular, because that is the door that says "EASY WAY." The way that makes me a god, a master, and allows me to do all the evil I want to do. The other road looks "less traveled by." Because the road is rocky, the path is narrow, and the sun beats down uncomfortably upon the path, without any tree to shade a traveller. 

And I'm scared. I feel like screaming, like crying out for anyone to hear me. Because I can no longer see myself, all I see is dirt and filth. It's painful, as if I lost my own identity and my own soul.

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.” 

-Psalm 138:3-

The only thing I find myself doing now is clinging onto His promises. Because with my own strength, I am nothing, but with His strength, wow. Just WOW. It's amazing what He can do through such a sinner. 

So there are two roads. I am going to take a deep breath, stretch out my already sore limbs, reach in and hold onto His promises like I'm hanging for my life, and take the one less traveled by. 

Because I think that will make all the difference.